Love Comes First
By Agnes S., missionary in El Salvador
Katy and Lupe are sisters, ages 12 and 7, who live less than a minute from us. They both spend a lot of time at our house—Lupe especially—playing games, cooking with us, or swinging in our hammock. I remember that my friendship with Lupe began within my first couple of days here when we would do the same puzzle together nearly every time she stopped by the house. Katy and Lupe’s mom abandoned them when they were little and their dad does not live with them, though they still see him frequently. They live with their grandma who, because of a condition in her knees, is unable to walk much and is confined to the house.
Our friendship with Katy is one we really have to fight for. At the age of adolescence and without many good influences in her life, she has started hanging out with crowds that are harmful to her in many ways. We have also had problems with her lying to us and to her grandmother. With Katy it has been really difficult to find the balance between love and discipline. But I have been realizing more and more the importance of love coming first. We can chastise Katy all we want, tell her she can’t enter our house for a week, or give her a speech about how she did something wrong. But if we do not have a relationship with her founded on love and respect, not only will our punishments be ineffective, we will push her further from us.
We have been trying to spend more time with Katy, inviting her to cook with us, paint our broken-down stationary bike, and trying in all of this to be good, loving examples to her and preserve a friendship that is so important to us. We want to spend time with Katy because we love her. We choose to love her because, although she can be difficult, she can also be funny, sweet, and responsible, and most importantly she is a beautiful child of God created with love for an amazing purpose. We choose to love Katy because we believe it can make a positive difference in her life. Although I often feel powerless to influence her life in any way, it is still worth it to me to try. She may continue down the path she has started, but I know that God loves her even more than I do and I trust in His goodness. I am grateful for the simple moments He has gifted us to be with Katy, whether it be the girls’ night when we painted our faces with mud masks, the afternoon she came and played Twister with me and some other children, or the evening she made crepes with Agata. In each of these moments I see the hand of God at work in her life and mine.