Returning to Grace
By Maria, on mission in Brooklyn
Grace is from Puerto Rico and she came to America when she was 12 years old. Life was not easy; the cross followed her. She lived in darkness and fear. A few months ago she felt so much emptiness and lack of meaning in her life that she was tempted to end it. The Lord our God had so much mercy on her and saved her life. She was taken to the hospital where she stayed for 8 months. Afterwards, they sent her to the nursing home where Fr. Paul, Nhi, and I go to visit every Thursday. This is where we met Grace.
Grace shared with me, “I have been here almost a year, but in my heart, I’m still very angry and I do not want anything… I have no friends. I am living now only because of my son.”
Every time I would visit Grace she would always be watching violent movies and the volume would up so high that I was not able to hear what she was saying. Sometimes Grace does not say anything or she repeats the same story about her life over and over again. All of these things did not correspond with what I wanted in our visit. I wanted to turn off the television and talk or watch nice movies with her. So I said to myself, “I am wasting my time with her. Our friendship isn’t leading anywhere, and there are so many other people who need a visit.” So, I went to visit other people instead.
After a few weeks of not seeing Grace, I noticed I was unhappy in my heart and I asked myself what was stopping me from visiting her. The answer was simple: the visits did not go as I would have desired and envisioned. Then it came to me that when I am feeling low or don’t want to talk or am feeling angry with someone, my community is always there for me. Because I have received Love from my community of love, I was strengthened to return to visit Grace again.
When she saw me, she was very happy and asked, “Where have you been? I have been here waiting for you every Thursday!” I was so moved. I realized that previously I had been thinking only of myself and what I wanted; I had lost the capacity to see the presence of God in front of me right here and now, in this person given to me in my daily life.